Crush

Dogs aren’t like humans. You know that, of course, but I was thinking about it on a different level. Humans, for instances, get crushes — maddening attractions to people and things that they often can’t control. I’ve seen it happen. Gretchen has a current crush on coconut gelato. She wants to eat it every night, but knowing it’s not the healthiest of crushes, she’s trying to refrain.

Dogs don’t get crushes, at least not that I can tell.

Wait just a minute, little fella.

Gretchen, I didn’t know you were reading over my shoulder!

Well, I passed by and saw the title, which caught my attention. Then when I read the first few paragraphs, I had to interrupt.

So I take it you disagree.

Yes, emphatically!

Alrighty then, tell me why.

Let’s take you for example.

Moi?

Oh, don’t play innocent with me. You have your fair share of crushes and while it might not be on coconut gelato, I can think of some serious crushes you have.

Name one.

Just one? Okay, how about Richard, Colleen, and Jessica?

Those are my human friends.

Yes, but when you saw them this weekend, you almost crawled out of your skin with joy.

That’s because I hadn’t seen them in a long time.

They hadn’t seen you either, but they didn’t jump all over you and scream with excitement.

Did I do that?

Let me continue — while those are some though not all of your human friends, their dogs — Ginger, Monty, and Quillette — equally excite you!

And Wally, don’t forget Wally.

See? You were thrilled when you got to see them all this weekend.

Does that make it a crush? And is it possible for me to have some many crushes on so many different people and dogs?

Apparently it is.

But that’s it, right?

I’m not so sure. There are all the dogs we walk.

But they’re our clients. It would be unprofessional of me to have a crush on any of them.

This is true, but you wiggle with excitement when you see them.

I want to wiggle with excitement to see Rosie and Tyson. How come I never get to see them?

We’re working on it, buddy, but for now, they’re enough for me to handle on my own. Throwing your excitement into the mix will require another human to help me out.

Am I that out of control?

I plead the 5th.

What does that mean?

Let me continue…

Please do…this is turning out to be very entertaining.

One word — Gemma.

No way. I don’t have a crush on Gemma, Saber does. And Ollie, too.

More than one dog can have a crush on another dog.

They can?

Let’s take a look at how you play with Gemma.

What of it?

Well, most dogs find Gemma’s style of play annoying because she constantly pesters them.

That’s so true.

But you just give in. You let her chew on you, roll around on you, and grab your ankles. You wouldn’t let any other dog do that.

How does that make it a crush?

If you didn’t like her so much you wouldn’t put up with the behavior and when we’re heading over to her house, you get a certain bounce in your step.

Hm. But I definitely don’t have a crush on Oshi or Perrito.

Yes, I’d agree, though Perrito has one on you.

I know and maybe even Oshi who walks by my side constantly. He’s like my shadow.

You make him feel safe.

So what about Saber?

What do you think?

I think he adores me.

And  you, what do you feel about him?

I like him a lot, but I don’t think it compares to what I feel — or what you think I feel — for some other dogs.

Like Monty and Quillette and Ginger?

And Paige, let’s not forget about Paige.

Yes, but we didn’t walk her today.

Fair enough. Then what about Alice.

Alice is an interesting case. I think she might be too nervous to have a crush, but she definitely trusts you.

I agree. She’s a lot more comfortable when she sees me on the front step than she is when she sees Saber.

She’s warming up to Saber though.

Yeah, he’s easy to warm up to.

So do you want to restart this blog and retract what you’ve said about humans and dogs and crushes?

Look at the time! Aren’t you supposed to have some coconut ice cream about now?

Very funny. Unfortunately we’re out.

And it’s my bedtime. Good night all! Until tomorrow,

Rubin