What a little sunshine can do…

If you read my previous blog, you know I was feeling a little down this week. Between the world events and the weather, it’s safe to say I was having a hard time keeping my head up.

But then I received a really nice response from a woman I’ve never met, but who always has very nice comments to make about me and my writing. She told me that I only have control over one thing in my life and that’s the ability to be kind. I don’t know why her words touched me so much, but they were exactly the medicine I needed and after writing the blog on Wednesday and then receiving her comments, I woke up Thursday morning committed to being kind each and every minute.

Gretchen says that sometimes when we commit to something new, we receive a sign that we’re on the right path. She says it’s called serendipity. I like that word and I like it even more when I woke up on Thursday committed to kindness and looked out the window only to receive my sign – it was warm and sunny. My heart lifted. So did my head.

And off we went taking extra long walks in the sun! First with Woobie. We walked down through the woods to the lake where we posed happily in the warm morning sun next to the lake that looked very inviting!

But we weren’t allowed to swim. “It’s still pretty cold, Rubin,” Gretchen told me and since I’d vowed to be kind I said, “That’s okay. We’ll swim soon, I can feel it!”

What I discovered as I walked through the day with kindness is that I felt compelled to smile all the time. If you read this blog often and see the many photos of me, you’ll see that most of the time I have a serious look on my face. Not all the time, but for the majority of the time, I’m posing with a very serious face. This is due in part because I am trying my darnedest to be patient waiting for Gretchen to take the photo, give us all a treat, and then be on our way to whatever adventure is scheduled that day.

But Thursday — the sunshine and the wonderfully inspirational words from a woman I don’t really know — I just couldn’t keep the smile off my face.

And you know what? Unexpected things kept happening. Happy, unexpected things.

First, even though it wasn’t technically a walk-Monty-day, after our long and delightful walk with Woobie, we headed over to Monty’s house where we met up with Monty and his Mom and she joined us on a walk with Rosie.

The sun kept shining and everyone — canine and human — soaked it up. I’m telling you, it’s been gray and wet around these parts and I think on a spiritual level we were all pretty soaked to the bone. So when the sun showed up on Thursday, everyone was pretty happy and when you’re happy, it’s amazing how much easier it is to be kind!

So, in honor of our happiness, Monty and Rosie made a Rubin sandwich (ha!) and I was incredibly happy!

The next surprise came when we headed over to Gretchen’s work at the pool and met up with Paige. Gretchen’s decided that Paige and I are like brother and sister because we are happy to see each other, but then we fall into an easy-going flow to our walks.

Whenever we walk Paige, I never know where we’re going to land. Sometimes we take Paige in the car and sometimes we just walk from her house to interesting places in West Seattle. I thought we’d pretty much walked most of West Seattle, but yesterday we headed to a new place.

It’s kind of a odd place — it’s just a gate opening onto a wooded area that runs adjacent to a golf course. I have to say that if I had a choice, I’d rather run crazy at the open fields of the golf course, but Gretchen says that’s not allowed. And even though we were in a big wooded area, we weren’t allowed to run off leash.

That was okay because only Paige really knew where she was going and Paige, like the wild younger sister she is, was more intent on looking for things to hunt then letting us know where we were supposed to head on the trails.

Of course, I have to admit that there were a lot of things to look at while on this new adventure.

Squirrels chattered at us from behind trees, huge crows tossed nuts down on us, and unknown critters rustled in the underbrush. It was hard to stay focused on smiling.

Paige is always alert when we’re out and about. I told her about my commitment to kindness and while she found that admirable she wanted to know if being kind meant being kind to everyone.

“I think so,” I said.

“Even cats? Even squirrels?” she asked.

“Hm,” I looked up at Gretchen. She said nothing and that’s when I knew that this was kind of test for me.

“Well, Paige,” I began, “I think everyone has to develop their own standard of kindness. Today I’m going to be kind to everyone. Tomorrow, who knows.”

Paige looked at me with a bit of disbelief, but a whole lot of respect.

By the time we got home, I was super tired. I figured we’d logged about 10 miles that day and while it was 10 miles in the sunshine, I was happy when Ann got home from teaching all day and wanted nothing more than to take a bit of rest on the couch.

She’d had to practice kindness all day long with her second graders. Being kind can be exhausting!

Who knew?

Friday wasn’t sunny, but I didn’t care. I’d made it through a dark period this week and the sunshine from Thursday and my practice in kindness made Friday a great day, too! It started with a nice long walk with Rosie and Tyson.

I wasn’t as smiley, but that’s partly because my jaws and cheeks and lips were tired from all the smiling the day before.

Of course, Rosie and Tyson can be kind of serious. Tyson especially, but he’s very kind. On our walk, for instance, I found a nice tennis ball. Usually when we’re walking and I find a ball, I’ll carry it around for awhile — pick it up on one spot and drop it off at another, or sometimes I take them home.

Tyson likes tennis balls too and when he saw what I was sniffing, he was very interested.

I looked up and said, “Uh, do you like tennis balls?”

“Yep!” He said and I was just about to say, “Then you can have it” as a way of continuing my acts of kindness when he said, “But you found it first so you carry it for awhile, okay?”

See, now that’s kindness!

We picked up Monty after dropping Rosie and Tyson back at home and much to my surprise, we went to the big field to play fetch. Sunshine comes in many forms and even though the rain spit on us a bit, I was extremely happy…as you can tell from the photos!

And perhaps the best way to sum up the feeling of gratitude to the woman who sent me such a kind message, I leave you with a picture of happiness…

May your weekend be filled with kindness…

Rubin

40 Days/40 Nights

Noah was righteous and blameless in god’s eyes. He was obedient and loyal. “Build an ark and fill it with 7 of the clean animals and 2 of the unclean!” god commanded and Noah did as he was told and then god wiped all other living creatures off the face of the earth.

I shuddered when I read this story.

It’s been raining so hard lately and I have yet to hear any commandments. I wouldn’t know how to build a boat if my life depended on it and apparently if god is this vengeful, I may regret that I never learned boat building skills.

Then Gretchen told me that I shouldn’t worry, that in the end, god told Noah he’d never do that again.

“Do what again?” I asked Gretchen.

“Wipe all the creatures off the face of the earth,” she explained.

I find this cold comfort. The news of late, the recent catastrophic events,  and the cascading rain we’ve experienced make me a bit nervous. Actually, they make me more than a bit nervous.

“Who’s in charge?” I asked Gretchen the other morning.

“What do you mean, Rubin?”

“I mean, when floods happen, when the sky opens up and the earth and the sea, who’s responsible for that?”

She sighed so deep and long I worried that she was angry. “Are you angry at me?” I asked.

“No, no, no, buddy, I’m just trying to figure out how to explain it all,” she said thoughtfully, “And I must say that I’m not so sure it’s explainable.”

This did not make me feel any less nervous.”Can you try, please?” I begged.

She began…There are some people who say that there’s something larger than us that’s in charge. They call this “thing” god and for everyone this god is different…but even that is kind of complicated because while all the names are different, I wouldn’t say the actual things these gods stand for are all that different.

But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that for some people the god they believe in is kind of in charge.

“What do you mean, kind of?” I asked.

Oh Rubin, if it were only easy to explain.

Well, do you believe in this god?

That’s a great question and I’d have to say that I don’t believe in a god the way most people do.

Well, what do you believe in?

Wow, these are tough questions, Rubin. I guess I believe that we are gifts — each and every one of us from plant to rock to dog to human to river to mountain to feather to blade of grass. Everything. We’re like miracles on a scientific level and miracles on a level we can’t really ever understand. We’re complex systems that breathe and live and make music and paint pictures and play and bring beauty to the world.

Rocks make music?

Yeah, I guess in a way…I guess what I’m trying to say is that we’re all just points out of a billion, trillion, mega-illion points on one big point in a universe of even more points in a galaxy of a million other galaxies. For some people, they want it all explained in a kind of map and for them, a god does that for them.

But not for you?

There’s part of me that wants to have it all explained in a nice, neat little package, but when I go out in the world and see those amazing clouds floating by or watch you play with your friends I don’t want it all explained. I just want to open myself up to how spectacularly fantastic it all is.

But it’s not all fantastic. There’s rain and earthquakes and big waves and disasters around every corner.

I know and when I see those things, when I see suffering and tragedy in the world it’s often hard to find the beauty again. It’s hard to not weep inside and feel overwhelmed by it all. Are you feeling overwhelmed, Rubin?

Yeah, kind of, I guess.

When I feel overwhelmed I like to touch the things that make me feel whole.

What do you mean?

Well, I like to find those things that connect me to what matters.

Like what?

Well, my friends. My family. You. Walking. Looking for spring. Love. Music. There’s an endless list of things that matter to me.

Does it make you feel better?

Not always. I still hurt inside sometimes. I still feel the tragedy in the world and feel helpless and hopeless at times, but then I watch you while you sleep or when you play with your friends or I spend time with my friends and family or I eat an apple and taste the complexity and simplicity of it,  I feel grateful.

Grateful? Why?

Because I have this time right now to be alive and being alive feels like the best way to honor the gift I’ve been given. It feels like the best way to honor all those things and people who aren’t here now.

Do people who believe in god think of it as a gift?

I’m sure they do…well, I hope they do.

So you’re not much different than they are?

I suppose, but I don’t wrap it all up into something to believe in.

Wouldn’t it be easier if you did?

Sometimes,  I suppose. Sometimes I wish I could just see the bigger plan and know that the tragedies we’re witnessing these days are all part of that bigger plan, but I don’t think they are. I think it’s random and while it’s an awful random, there’s also wonderful random. I mean, the same random that made you, made the new spring flowers we keep seeing, made the clouds that fly over us on windy days is the same random that makes the earth quake and the waters rise up.

So, Noah is like that bigger plan?

He’s a story in the bigger plan.

I’m confused.

I know, little guy. It’s very confusing. I’ll try to explain. People who believe in that bigger plan view of the world tell stories to explain how they believe. Noah and his 40 days and 40 nights of rain is one of those stories.

How is it supposed to help me believe in that bigger plan when I’m thinking there’s some big guy out there who’s going to wipe it all away if he isn’t happy with how I behave?

Hm, that’s a hard one to explain. Think of it this way: Each day we have a plan, right? You know we get up, eat breakfast, go for a walk, then go to work dog walking and at the pool. That’s our big plan for each day.

Except some days. Some days we don’t have a plan and we just hang out or visit friends or relax or go on special outings.

True, but mostly we have a routine to our days and a plan. But within that plan there are stories. Like today, one of those stories was meeting Wilson, our friend Cathana’s new dog. And in that story we went to the tennis courts and played chase.

And Wilson practiced levitating!

Exactly and that’s all part of that story.

But that’s a happy story. It’s not filled with things being destroyed.

True and thankfully our big plan doesn’t have much of that in it, but sometimes it does.

Like when our friend Michael stopped us today and said he wasn’t feeling very good?

Yes, precisely, but sometimes it’s even worse than that. Sometimes someone dies or someone gets hurt really badly or someone loses something really important to them.

Can it even be something we see like a dog who hasn’t been taken out for a walk ever?

Yes, it can certainly be that. And it makes us feel sad and helpless and frustrated. Those are the stories within the bigger plan. Some of them are joyous and some of them are horrible, but they are all part of the big plan.

Who’s in charge of our big plan?

(Smile) We are to some extent, but then those random things happen like Michael going to the doctor to find out he’s really sick or even the random happy event of today when we found spring flowers blooming and then ran into Ann who was taking her class to the long, skinny house by the park.

That wasn’t planned?

Nope, the walk with Cathana and Wilson was planned, but meeting up with the other dogs at the tennis courts wasn’t planned at all. Walking through the park was my plan, but running into Ann her her class of 2nd graders wasn’t the plan.

Or chasing Wilson up and down the stairs at home, that wasn’t planned either.

Precisely.

So how is this like god?

I suppose that if there’s a big plan you believe in like a god plan that random things still happen but god people like to think that it’s just that they didn’t exactly see how the random things were important to the big plan and so they try to explain how the random things were actually part of the big plan and they spend a lot of time trying to get the pieces to all fit together.

Do they not all fit together for you?

No, they don’t and I suppose that’s why some of the things are so upsetting…I can’t fit it all together.

How does that make you feel?

I feel lots of ways about it. I feel sad sometimes and I feel amazed other times. And sometimes I feel both and that’s when I realize that the magic of it all is NOT to figure it all out. I mean, sometimes it’s cool to understand scientifically how the weather works, but other times, it’s just cool to watch it take control of a day or a night.

Sometimes it’s scary. Like thunder and lightning we had this week.

Yes, sometimes it’s scary, but it’s also miraculous in a way and beautiful because it makes me realize I’m just one of those tiny, tiny points in a bigger picture of a mega-illion points. When I realize that I feel in awe of every minute I’m alive.

(Silence)

Does that help, Rubin?

I’m not sure it helps. I still feel sad and kind of afraid about what I don’t understand and what could happen next without my having any control over it but…

…yes?

I guess the way you see it the purple of the crocuses we saw today comes from the same place as the endless rain and the splitting earth and the destructive waves and that if we didn’t have the random awful things, we wouldn’t have the random wonderful things.

Well said and I’d add that if we didn’t have the random awful things we might not appreciate the random wonderful thing so much.

I’m still kind of sad and upset about it all. I feel bad for all those people and animals and rocks and mountains and feathers and blade of grass in Japan.

Me, too buddy. Me too. That’s why we must hold onto the beauty of the world — not for us, but for them.

Okay, I’ll try, but Gretchen?

Yes?

Will you still hold me so I can feel a little less random?

Come here little man.

Until the next blog…

Rubin

Body Work, Wind, and Mud-faces

There are many ways to exhaust yourself. I’ve pretty much tried them all. This week exhaustion swept in on me like the amazing rain storm that struck us Wednesday. If you live around these parts, you are well aware of the torrential rainstorms and gale-forced windstorms that pounded us. But if you don’t live around here, let me try to explain in both words and pictures.

Okay, I’m kind of at a loss for words. Monday and Tuesday were okay. I went out with Rosie and Tyson on Monday and for some reason, we all decided we wanted to be really close. It wasn’t cold or anything, but each of us felt compelled to snuggle up to the body next to us and in the end, we look kind of cute, don’t we?

Of course, Tyson wasn’t feeling so well because he had an “incident” over the weekend (no fault of his own) so he’s on bed rest and limited exercise for awhile.

Poor guy. Maybe that’s why Rosie and I decided to make a Tyson sandwich.

On Tuesday, the sky looked mighty threatening and while it rained some, it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. Rosie thought the little Chihuahua in the over-sized sweater looked interesting and therefore found it hard to look at the camera (as well as distracting me), but mostly we just looked at those clouds above us and hoped we wouldn’t get wet.

We didn’t…until Wednesday. Actually, Rosie didn’t get very wet, but Monty and I sure did on our morning walk together. Gretchen finally posed us under this little evergreen tree, but only snapped a few photos before she bundled back up and slogged us back home where we were dried off, fed a snack, and then spent the rest of the morning watching the amazing rainstorm sweep over our house. Frankly, I’m surprised it didn’t wash us away! Holy Moly!

Usually rainstorms last about 10 minutes at the most, but this one went on and on. We needed to walk Rosie and Gretchen kept saying to us, “Let’s just wait a few more minutes, okay guys?”

And we did. What do you know? It kind of cleared up. Not super clear, but not the buckets of rain that were coming down earlier. Still it was a quick photo shoot and a wet walk although looking at the photos it doesn’t look that wet.

Of course, by the time we got home the rain stopped and while Gretchen studied for her massage test, Monty and I lounged.

There are a lot of downsides to the rain, but I have to admit, there is something I really like about lots of rain — it turns the backyard into this soft, squishy mud that I find particularly wonderful to roll around in.

When I came in, I half expected Gretchen to scold me, but you know what she did? She laughed.  That got me worried. “Why are you laughing?” I asked.

“You must have known it was bath day, eh Rubin?”

BATH DAY? Oy vey! So into the tub I went and got myself all cleaned up only to find out that I was GOING SWIMMING!!! Gretchen arranged for me to have a swim date with her boss while Gretchen and Monty took Paige out for a walk. I love hanging with my friends, but I gotta say, it was really nice to get some body work done at Wellsprings K9!!! And the swimming? There’s nothing I like more than swimming at the pool (okay, maybe swimming in the lake or skiing in the mountains or going on a hike…but you get it…I LOVE to swim and if I had to endure a bath, I was happy to do so for a chance to hang with Auntie Sheila at the pool!)

Monty was equally thrilled to spend time with his girl, Paige. He is very smitten with Ms. Paige and even though she wasn’t feeling 100% (upset tummy) she walked by Monty almost the whole way. Monty was very happy about that!

And then came Thursday, which in terms of the weather really started Wednesday night. I listened to the rain fall all night long and my dreams were soggy conglomerations of the week’s memories (Tyson sandwich, Rosie’s tongue, Monty’s google eyes for Paige, Paige jumping on me, splashing in the pool). When I woke and heard that the rain had not stopped, I worried a bit.

“We’re walking Woobie today, right?” I asked Gretchen.

“Actually,” Gretchen responded, “Woobie is going to hang out with us for a few days.”

“Oh boy,” I said, but not with so much excitement as normal. Gretchen picked up on my hesitation.

“Aren’t you excited to hang with Woobie?” she asked.

“Well yes, but with this rain, she might swell and not make it through the front door!”

Gretchen laughed, but after our Thursday we all got the last laugh. We kept waiting for the big winds and the big rains and while we got a little spattered and blown around, the big rains and wind didn’t come until we were all done with the day. Whew! Still, I thought about rolling around in the backyard one more time, but decided against it because I knew I’d get thrown in the bath again and this time, not taken for a swim at the pool.

Woobie and I got to walk at Lincoln Park, which turned out to be kind of magical as the breeze that was present, blew away the clouds and made way for a rainbow over the. Things were looking up indeed!

We walked around the park and checked out the trees looking for squirrels (well, I did)…

…but we kept coming back to the rainbow!

Then, to my surprise, Gretchen set out to walk Rosie AND Tyson. Apparently Tyson’s normal Thursday was not so normal as he’s still a bit gimpy and therefore can’t go with the other dog walker to play at the dog park. What a treat for Gretchen, though the real treat is Rosie’s since she really, really loves hanging out with her bro!

But Friday dried out some and frankly, we were all happy to see lighter skies on the horizon. Monty, Woobie, and I took a walk to the gardens looking for signs of spring (they’re coming and we’ll cover that next week!).

Gretchen walked with Rosie and Tyson again and while Tyson is slightly sore, he’s healing up nicely and was happy to get out for a nice long walk.

The rain started up and we got a bit wary, but when Monty, Woobie and I found ourselves at the little field ready to play fetch, no rain could dissuade us!

Still, I worried about Gretchen who’d spent the week in the rain and was, Friday afternoon, headed off to the pool to stand in more water.

“Are you feeling soggy?” I asked her before she headed out to work.

“A bit, yes, I am, buddy, but at least the water at the pool is warm and there’s no wind,” she explained.

“Good point,” I agreed.

When she left, I looked longingly at the muddy backyard, sorry that the back door was locked. “Too bad,” I thought to myself. “It would be fun to roll around in that mud one more time!”

Have a great weekend!

Rubin

Vanquishing My Wussisms

Wuss:  “Often a male with a low courage factor.”

The Urban Dictionary

Dear Dr. Geisler;

You gave me a lot to think about today and it all started when you said, “You are such a good boy doing your best to work through your wussims.” I know I can be difficult during my acupuncture and adjustment sessions with you and that today I was particularly feisty when I tried to bite you as you gently pushed a needle into my stomach point.

Please forgive me for that, but I can be a bit reactive at times, which is one of the main reasons I’m seeing you. My reactivity has dogged me (forgive the pun) for most of my life and by working with you, I’m beginning to face my demons, the root causes of why I can be such a nervous boy.

But when you used the word “wussim” my brain flinched with a much different kind of reaction.

“Yes,” I thought, “There is a great truth in what she’s saying.”

First, let me explain. I am not quick to warm up to people. Gretchen says I have a “Rule of Five,” which means that I usually don’t allow people to touch me until the fifth time I meet them. With you, though, touching me — to do the osteopathic adjustments and then to put in the acupuncture needles — had to happen from the get-go. Boy oh boy was that ever hard for me, but with your reassurance and Gretchen constantly telling me that you were a “friend” I did my best to overcome my Rule of Five and my fears of people touching me before I really get to know them. Yes, I’m still nervous with you, but even you had to admit I’m slowly getting better.

I know I haven’t completely overcome all my fears. I know that I’m still reactive and cautious. I know that, while I’ve gotten a bit better about the adjustments and the needles, I still have a long way to go. Thanks for your patience. Thanks for not giving up on me. One day I will reward you with a mighty wiggle and a woof — which is something I do when I feel completely comfortable with people.

And it’s not just new acquaintances that make me nervous. Weird sounds or experiences can set me on edge. The other day, for instance, I heard this big clunk on the back porch. I raced through the house, barking all the way, and looked out the window. I barked even more wildly when I saw something foreign on the back deck. It took me a moment to realize (and lots of  explanation from Gretchen) that a crow (my least favorite bird!) had dropped a large steak bone onto our porch. I wanted to go out and examine the evidence, but Gretchen got to the bone before I did. Still, I was kind of beside myself for quite a bit of time after the whole bone-dropping experience.

“Yes, I am a wuss,” I thought, and sheepishly walked back to my bed and pondered the idea of wussisms.

But the more I pondered, the more I looked around at my world away from your office and realized I was not alone in my fears. As you know, I am a dog dog walker and with Gretchen’s assistance, I have walked with a lot of other dogs in my day. I won’t list them all out (you can read all my blogs and find out who they are), but I will instead focus on the dogs who I currently walk with and how they have offered me insight into my wussisms and wussism in general.

Monty is my best friend in all the world. This doesn’t mean I don’t have other friends who aren’t important to me — I do — but Monty’s been there since the first day I got home and has been by my side as a constant companion offering me advice and guidance every step of the way. Monty is confident, self-assured, a tad bit goofy, and sometimes a bit forward. But he also has his fears, just like me. He is afraid of the vacuum cleaner, for example, and when he’s visiting our house and Gretchen decides it’s time to clean, Monty finds the room farthest from where the vacuum cleaner is.

I don’t mind the vacuum cleaner in the least. This is probably because the first time I met the vacuum cleaner it was covered in dog cookies and I was very happy about that. Then, when the big, loud motor started the dog cookies just kept falling on the floor and while I busied myself with cleaning up the crumbs, I forgot all about the vacuum cleaner and the big sounds it makes. Monty never got the chance to be “acquainted” with the vacuum like I did and so now his fears are much harder to overcome.

Rosie is one of my newer friends and while Gretchen was walking her for a long time before I got to meet her, when I did finally meet Rosie I learned that she, too, has fears that she has a hard time overcoming. One of them is meeting new dogs (like me), but from the day we met, we’ve been good friends who enjoy many of the same activities — chasing cats, barking at crows, and waiting for treats from Gretchen’s pocket.

Another fear Rosie has is when people are walking behind her. She always puts on the brakes wanting to check out who’s back there and see if they pose any danger. I think I’ve helped her with this fear immensely because I’m very forward focused and slowly, Rosie is following my lead and not putting on the brakes so much.

This week I tried to help Rosie have new experiences. We even took her in the car (another fear of hers) and went to Seward Park where we walked by the lake and met all sorts of other dogs. She did really well and was pretty happy by the time she got home. Oh, and in the car, she laid down and pretty much relaxed. Hopefully that extra dose of confidence will stay with her like my treatments with you, Dr. G.

Tyson, Rosie’s brother, has many, many fears, but from the moment I met him, I never would have believed it. He’s a very strong fella and always seems to walk confidently through the world.

But Tyson hates to be left alone. His separation anxiety has sent him to the ER on a number of occasions, but over time, Tyson has been really working through his anxieties.

Sometimes other dogs (particularly large males) upset him. I’m not sure what he’s worried about, but I don’t think he sees himself as having the stature that he does. I mean, when others see him they see what I see — a very handsome and impressive boy. Maybe he doesn’t see himself that way and so he feels intimidated by other handsome and impressive boys. It’s hard to tell because Tyson is kind of the strong silent type. He doesn’t share much with me, but that’s probably because I’m not his main dog dog walker.

Still, I’d like to think I’m helping him just by spending time with him each week letting him know that even when he is alone, he has friends who care about him and if he ever wants a comforting phone call or email, I’m the guy to offer it to him.

Woobie, at first blush, looks like a dog who hasn’t a care in the world and for the most part that is true. She is one happy-go-lucky pup, but on occasion, a large dog approaching her or a dog poking it’s nose in the wrong place can make Woobie react. It’s quick and it’s not vindictive, but she surprises me every once in awhile by reacting to dogs we meet on our walks with a bit of a snip and toss of her head. “Hmmm,” I thought, “Woobie isn’t as confident as I first thought!”

But what I’ve really learned from my dog friends aside from the fact that we all have fears, is that we all have different reactions to those fears. Monty faces his fears by hiding from them, which I suppose isn’t facing them at all. Or he shows an obsessive alertness to them. You should see how crazy he gets when a large plastic bag rolls by in the wind or cars splash through large puddles on a rainy day (both of which happened A LOT this blustery week).

Rosie faces her fears by freezing in her tracks. Or she stands up on her toes, her ears slightly back, her chest muscularly forward, and then starts barking and spinning thinking that if she can kill the thing that scares her, her fears might subside. Tyson eats things he shouldn’t and Woobie snips just a bit (but never any more than just a snip) and then backs away.

We’re all complicated. But I bet you already know that, don’t you?

And what about me? Well, Dr. G, you hit the nail right on the head — I do my best to be as brave as I can and I try really, really hard to do the right thing. Still, there are many situations where my wussisms get the better of me and while I’ve come a long way in vanquishing them, I know I have a long way to go. Take Wednesday, for example. After my appointment with you, I was feeling pretty relaxed and confident (that’s what you do for me!) and then Gretchen and I went off to work. Unfortunately, the weather was a challenge. It rained, it hailed, the sun broke through all the sudden with rainbows on the horizon only to be followed by this amazingly strong gusts of wind.

I’m pretty good in rainy weather, but Wednesday’s inclemency brought out a bit of a wuss in me. At one point, I found myself doing mathematical calculations trying to figure out the physics of a 35 pound me in a 50 mph gust of wind. “What’s the equation for the force of gravity?” I asked Gretchen. She didn’t know, which wasn’t very reassuring as I curled my toes into the cement with every step I took. “Will I blow away?” I thought. Luckily, I didn’t, but still there was some fear there and I did my best to work through it all.

Yes, I have a long way to go.

Of course, when I’m playing fetch or practicing all my commands and tricks, I’m pretty confident. Take Monday of this past week. As you know, it was my birthday and I got to go to the lake and play fetch by the shore. While I really wanted to go swimming Gretchen forbade it because it was so cold. Still, I had lots of fun fetching the ball, bringing it back, and sitting in a “stay” while Gretchen photographed my now 4-year-old self and the smirk she fell in love with years ago.

I’m growing. I’m moving forward and as the years progress, I’m finding a more confident and calmer self underneath my layer of nervous curls.

Thankfully, I have you to help me in my quest to face the world more bravely and not let my demons win. I also have all my friends — canine and human — who every day give me love and support, who guide me by example and with their words as I face each day and all the dropping bones that may fall from the sky. I firmly believe we are where we should be in this world and while the journey may seem difficult at times, it is the journey we were meant to be on.

Thank you for being a part of my journey.

Rubin

02112011 – The Almost Patterns

The end of the week has arrived and I punched in the date – 02/11/2011 and I wondered if there was a pattern there that I was missing.

Nope, just three numbers in three different configurations and if there is the potential of a pattern, the numbers would need to keep going. But they don’t. Today is what today is – the 11th day of the 2nd month of the year 2011.

There are a lot of almost patterns in my life and this week is a good example of them. When I start out on Mondays, I look at the week’s schedule and try desperately to find the rhythm of it. I am a guy who likes routines. When the routine changes, I struggle and so when Monday looked fairly normal with a rather distinct pattern, I punched my paw in the air and shouted, “Yahoo!”

But then the pattern shifted and changed. I ended up getting kind of sick and that threw everyone into a sleepy frenzy. I’m okay now — eating a new, hypoallergenic food after a long visit with the vet — but for a few nights, I slept on the couch curled up on Gretchen’s chest feeling pretty crummy. That made the week kind of a blur and any chance that a clarity would emerge seemed liked a distant hope.

Rolling around on the grass in the sunshine sometimes makes me feel better!

Rosie tried to console. “I like patterns, too!” she told me in the middle of the week, “And, for me, it all got funky when Tyson went into the vet for some minor surgery.”

“He seemed fine on Monday,” I said, “Though the three of us struggled to fit on the tiny bench that Gretchen wanted us to pose on.”

“Yeah,” Rosie agreed. “She likes to do that, doesn’t she?”

“She does, but how’s Tyson?” I asked.

“He’s doing well,” she said. “He was a bit dizzy on Thursday, but he snuggled on the couch with us and woke up feeling better. Of course, he has a bandage on his foot and can’t go outside unless he wears a plastic bag. You can only imagine how that makes him feel!”

“Humiliated, I imagine,” I said.

“Let’s just say he never expected this outcome to his week,” Rosie said.

"Sorry to hear about your surgery, Tyson!"

And I suppose that’s exactly what happened to all of us in one way or another. That’s how Monty and I felt when we had our normal Wednesday and then saw each other again on Thursday.

“Hey,” Monty greeted me at the door, “It’s Thursday. What are you doing here?”

“Great question,” I said and then it became way too clear as we made our way up the big hill to the groomer’s store.

“Oh,” Monty said, “I guess it’s that time of the month, eh?”

“I guess you could say it that way,” I chuckled.

And there we were…wooly and happy standing in Dog Mania’s store waiting to be sheared and…well, happy still because Liliana takes really good care of us while we’re there. And look how good we look after!

BEFORE SHOTS…

AFTER SHOTS…

When Gretchen went to go get Woobie she, too, was surprised to be alone on a walk with Gretchen. “Where is everyone?” she asked.

“At the groomer,” Gretchen informed her.

Crestfallen, Woobie walked with a little less bounce in her step until Gretchen said, “With any luck, the groomer will call while we’re on our walk and we can go fetch the boys, okay?”

Woobie wagged her tail happily in response. And guess what? That’s exactly what happened. So Woobie rescued us and then hung out at our house for a bit of time before she headed home, satisfied that 1) she got a walk and 2) she got to see her well-coiffed boyfriends!

And because of my intestinal distress (the fancy word for it), we took a journey south to a place called the Natural Pet Pantry. This was a definite break in routine since Gretchen usually makes my food. Since that food wasn’t working for me, we consulted with the really nice people at the Pet Pantry and they made a special batch of food for me. Gretchen informed them that I was a very finicky eater so when Janet, one of the workers, met me and set down some of my specially made food to eat, everyone was quite surprised that I gobbled it up!

“That’s a good sign,” said Janet.

Now, we just have to hope it’s not another one of those almost patterns.

Sometimes on Fridays we walk Rosie and Tyson. When I looked at the schedule on Monday, they weren’t on the calendar. In fact, it was just going to be me and Monty, but then, with Tyson’s surgery, Rosie got added to schedule. She, too, got to spend some time with her well-coiffed boyfriends and she was very happy about it!

As you can tell by the randomness of this post, what once appeared as a pattern never really was. It was just an illusion. Kind of like today’s date — 02112011. You want there to be a pattern, but chaos nudged it out.

So it goes with my life.

Until next week,

Rubin