April 29, 2011

Hung Out to Dry

Gretchen wears a really funny outfit when she’s at work in the pool. It’s called a dry suit and she says she feels like Lloyd Bridges in “Sea Hunt” (don’t worry, I had to look it up, too!).

Hold on a second, Rubin!

What? What did I say that was wrong?

You didn’t say anything wrong, but that outfit isn’t what I wear in the pool.

Well, you said, Lloyd Bridges in “Sea Hunt” and I looked it up and this was the photo I found. What’s different?

Well, for starters, mine is not as tight-fitting as his.

Oh. Is that a big deal?

Kind of because I don’t want people thinking of me in something so…so well, revealing?

How’s it revealing? His whole body is covered?

Yeah, but it fits like skin and it’s the same color as his flesh and it looks like he’s not really wearing anything.

You humans are so weird. And modest. I told everyone right at the beginning of this post that it was a suit and that it reminded you of Lloyd Bridge’s suit. I didn’t say, “Hey everyone, Gretchen wears this skin-tight almost naked looking thing when she works. Take a look!” And I didn’t post a photo of you dressed in the actual “Sea Hunt” suit.

True, and I thank you for that, it’s just that it felt a bit revealing.

Now that we’ve cleared it up, can I continue?

Sure. Sorry. I just wanted to be clear that that’s not me in the photo.

That seems pretty obvious to me!

Hey, what are you saying?

Oh dog, here we go again. Relax. I was just saying that that’s some old guy in a tight-fitting suit with bad hair and an arrogant attitude (my attempt at appeasing her!) so I didn’t think anyone would get the wrong idea.

Thank you. Continue.

So where was I?

I wear a dry suit in the pool.

Yes, thank you…so when Gretchen comes home, sometimes she brings this suit home with her to really rinse it down and then she hangs it up to dry only the suit is so big…

Excuse me, Rubin…I don’t mean to interrupt again, but perhaps you could say “tall” and not “big?”

Oy…only the suit is really TALL and so it’s hard to find a place to hang it. Sometimes she stretches it out in the basement and sometimes she stretches it out in the bathroom but to really dry it out (and air it out, too)…

Wait…are you implying something about the smell?

You are really sensitive today, aren’t you?

I suppose, but I worry that the suit does smell at times and I was just wondering if it was my imagination or if you smelled it, too.

I have a very keen sense of smell, so yes, I smell it (what a silly question)

That’s not what I mean. I mean, does it smell bad?

How would I know? I don’t classify things into bad smelling and good smelling…you know that! In fact, I wrote about that last year!

So, if I’m sensitive today, you seem a bit grumpy…

Well, if you’d let me continue, I think our readers will find out why I’m a bit unnerved.


No more interruptions?

I’ll try…

So the other day, without my knowledge, Gretchen decided to hang the suit outside.

Sorry to interrupt again…


I hung it outside because it was finally NOT raining and I thought the fresh air would do the suit some good.

True…we actually had sun that day, which is why I wanted to go outside and sleep in the sun on the porch in my favorite spot. So…(pausing here to make certain I’m not interrupted again!) I stood at the back door, waited for Gretchen to open it for me (what I’d give for some opposable thumbs!), and when she did, I stepped through the door…

…only to be frightened half out of my curls by a large, towering figure (sorry, I mean TALL, towering figure…though that seems a big redundant) looming over me as I headed to the sunny spot.

Why are you laughing, Gretchen?

You have to admit, in hindsight, it was pretty funny.

Odd, what do you find so funny about my overwhelming fear?

Well, from my perspective, the look on your face, the way you jumped sideways with your whole body, and then the howling bark that emerged from your belly, it made me laugh.

Wow. How sensitive of you. I’m shaking in my poodle-ness and you’re giggling at me.

Not AT you…more like giggling at the situation.

I’m so happy I can bring you such joy in your sad and dark life…

My life isn’t sad and dark…certainly not with you in it!

Is that supposed to make me feel better?

Oh Rubin…I’m sorry my BIG suit scared you hanging at the side of the house. I never intended to make your curls stand on end. It was just a confluence of events and unfortunately, you were in the wrong place at the wrong moment. Does it make you feel any better to know that Ann jumped and gasped in the same way you did when she stepped through the door on her way to the garbage can?

She did?

Yep, and I think she jumped farther sideways than you did!

Did she bark at it?

No, but she gave me an earful about not warning her.

Okay, it makes me feel a bit better…but the whole point of this story has to do with the weather, not the suit.

Really? How?

It’s been cold lately…

Darn cold! 36 degrees just this morning.

And wet.

Some parts of the city even got snow this week…wet snow, that is.

So my point is that when the sun came out, when the porch warmed up and the blue skies spread out above me and we walked without rain gear and multiple layers, I realized how much I wanted to be like that suit…

Really? How?

I felt a need to be hung out to dry, to soak up the warmth, dry myself out…

…get rid of the smell?

Hey! Do you think I smell?

Like a dog, which in my book is a very good thing.

You’re just trying to make me feel better after scaring me half to death with that suit of yours.

Perhaps, but mostly the little hints of spring have helped erase my dark mood of late and giving me hope that we’ll be able to swim together in the lake soon…

Ya think?

Well, eventually…

But we haven’t even seen the turtles yet…you know, the turtles that bask in the sun on the log by the lake?

I know, we’ve been watching for them, but so far, no turtles.

I guess that will be the true sign of warmer times…

What will be?

When the turtles hang themselves out to dry.

Good point, buddy, good point.

Have a great weekend everybody!


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