July 3, 2009

How Do You Work This Thing?

Hey Monty?

Yeah, Quillette?

Do you know how to work this thing?

What? The computer? Sure thing.

Good because Rubin and Gretchen are out of the house and I want to blog. Think he’d care.

No, he’s cool. I’ve blogged a couple of times so I’m sure you’re welcome to it!

Great! My mom never lets me use the computer and I was just thumbing through the photographs from today and I decided it would be fun to do what Rubin gets to do every day.

Go for, dude!

I think that’s dudess to you.

Oh, sorry.

No big deal, but as your elder, wiser and older, I feel it’s my job to make certain your slang is gender specific because you know, Rubin has very few female friends.

Wow, I never thought about that, but you’re right. There’s you and Gemma and Ginger and Lucy…uh, and Woobie. And sometimes she walks Chloe.

Oh, I guess he does have girl friends.

A few, but I think you’re his favorite.

Really? I was thinking it was Ginger.

Yeah, he likes Ginger, but I think he likes Ginger’s dad most of all.

Richard? Oh yes. I like Richard very much, too. Don’t you?

He’s a nice enough fellow especially when he gives out treats.

Treats! Oh yes, oh yes, I love Richard and his treats.

You really like his treats, don’t you, Q?

Don’t you?

Sure, but I’d much rather play fetch.

You guys and your fetch. I just don’t see the joy in it. Throw a ball, chase a ball, bring the ball back. I like more cerebral games.

Cerebral? What the…?

Games that require the use of your brain. Puzzles of a sort.

Puzzles? Give me a game of fetch any day. Body over brain for me!

Rubin feels the same way, I fear. The two of you could play fetch until the cows come home.

Cerebral? Cows? Will I know all these words when I get to be your age?

Yes, you’ll learn a lot more words when you get to be my age and maybe by that time, you’ll see the silliness of fetch.

Ya think? Wait a minute. I remember you playing with a ball today.

No, I do not play fetch. I play a complicated and skilled game of toss and catch. Can you do that?

Sometimes, but mostly I like to just chew on my ball. Rubin of course, likes to chew on my ball, too. Luckily, Gretchen always has another so I can pacify my urges.

Pacify your urges? That’s rather sophisticated language.

I’ve picked up a phrase or two in my years on the planet.

Did Ginger teach you? She’s my same age, you know.

Yeah, I know, but you hang out with her more than I do. In fact, didn’t I see you two sharing a drink this morning?

Why yes. I’m a good hostess.

Hostess? Is that like a Twinkee?

Good God, man. You have so much to learn. I was being nice to Ginger, letting her go first. It was her bowl after all. And her water.

What did you do after our romp this morning?

We hung out at the house for awhile and then Rubin took off with Ann, and Gretchen and I walked Oshi and Perrito.

Wasn’t it hot?

Like you wouldn’t believe. So hot, in fact, Oshi got to the park, found some shade and would not move another inch.

Whoa, what did you do then?

Gretchen tried to get me to play fetch because she knows how much Perrito likes it.

But you don’t like it at all.

Hostess. Remember that word. I am always a good hostess.

Wasn’t it hot, though?

I think we’ve established that already. Soon, I just laid down, Perrito found some shade,  and Oshi started to take himself home.

Of course, it didn’t last long for Perrito. He likes me, you know.

It looks like he “likes” you a bit too much at times…

Yes, well, my hostessing skills have limits, it’s true.

Nice ears, dude. I mean, dudess.

Well, yes…and then we took them home.

You’re totally changing the subject, arent’ you?

It’s my prerogative given my age.

Prerogative? Is that some kind of Russian sandwich?

Next up was Wilson. Have you met him yet?

No, not yet. Wait, you just changed subjects again, didn’t you?

I have talents, son, I have talents.

Okay, so what do you know about Wilson?

Well, apparently he’s young, but bigger than you.

Whoa! That’s pretty big.

And just like you he loves to swim…but I think he’s more skilled at it than you are.

Did you just insult me?

Monty, let’s be honest. You swim funny.

At least I swim. I’ve only see you wade. I should get points for effort, don’t you think?

Okay, you get one point, but Wilson gets a million because he’s a swimming fiend. Just look how far out he is?

Okay, that’s one brave swimmer. Doesn’t that water look refreshing?

Very.

And Gretchen said EVERYONE was out at the lake today…people, turtles, mountains…

Everyone but us, you mean.

Yes, well, she’s taken us a lot so we shouldn’t complain.

You’re right. What else did she do with Wilson?

I think they went through Coleman Park and Wilson just kept trying to find shade.

I understand that. It’s really hot out there today.

Yes, really hot, but I got a Popsicle. Did you?

What, dude? A Popsicle from Gretchen’s freezer? Man Quillette, you are so lucky!

Okay, Monty, I’m not even going to begin correcting all the gender mistakes you just made in that last comment. Oh wait, do you hear that?

Uh?

I think Gretchen’s back. Quick, how do you publish this thing?

So much for age and wisdom…